Thailand

15th March 2014: Today we opened our eyes at the huge commercial port at Laem Chabang a long long way from Bangkok, which was good for us as we were going to meet my niece in Pattaya. So we took advantage of the P&O shuttle bus which took us to a hotel at the southern end of Pattaya beach.

Now my brochure says “the southern end (the Strip) is much livelier than the quieter northern end.” Let’s face it, the whole of Pattaya is one seedy holiday resort and the southern end of the beach is the “Red Light” district.

So the only place P&O could think to drop off their passengers was the middle of the red light district at 10’’ o’clock in the morning. OK, so the place was dead, the girls were asleep, but why?

Fortunately, we had arranged to meet my niece at a 5 star resort hotel at the next Bay to the north, so with map in hand we headed north along the promenade.

At 10.00 am people were just surfacing and to start the day were promenading with their partners. However, every couple we came across, seemed to be a European man with their Tai Bride, some men were young, but most were middle aged at best and a few age challenged. I swear I even saw one person who was the spitting image of Hitler! Now we all know where he ended up.

Across the bay the sea was filled with dozens of high speed boats racing about towing paragliders. From the distance of the shore it looked just like a Mary Poppins convention.

The whole of the long beach itself was filled with dogs, vendors of sunglasses, beach masseurs and people selling food and drinks, but mostly of queues of men standing in the water, clutching bags, drinks, cameras, their friends or even themselves waiting to be next on the boat. It was like a scene from Dunkirk.

So, we kept walking northwards…..however what I had forgotten to take into account was that Thailand is hot, which we don’t mind, but also humid, VERY humid and by the time we had reached the Resort Hotel an hour later, we were just two puddles on the floor.

Now, there is some sort of unwritten law in this universe that for every degree it gets warmer, the air conditioning is also turned down by one degree. So when we entered the Pullman, we were greeted by a snowstorm and had to be given warm tea by the reception as we checked in.

Tara, my nice very sensibly had booked a Cabana, which was a small white tent on the beach with open sides which could be closed off when being given a massage. The reason being that it gave us free lunch and access to the pool.

However, having just done a route march worthy of the SAS in the jungle, we decided a room was a much better idea and booked us into a little day suite where after having a shower and long cool drink we could walk straight out onto our own veranda and from there into our own pool.

Having had a shower and feeling much better, as true Brits we then rummaged through the drawers to see what we could pinch. Gideon’s bible? Already have one. Bottles of water? OK. Laundry Bag? Good. However, at the bottom of the wardrobe I came across a free packet of Durex (unflavoured) and a shoe horn. I understand the Durex (well, it is Pattaya) but the shoehorn?

As you can guess, I was not too impressed with Pattaya and it probably gave me the wrong impression of Thailand. Next time, we will have to get to Bangkok!…No Comment.